I procrastinated about 1 hour on the internet before deciding it was time to start writing this post. Like i already told you, it's not always easy to keep things real, mostly because life is not always happiness and rainbows and super cool days with super cool people.
After all the trips and all the visits, i had to slow down a little bit and realize that i had been stealing time wherever i could to not deal with stuff. Don't worry this is not a super depressive post, i'm already past that point, but it is a post about feelings and dealing with those feelings and accepting things, mourning the losses and letting go.
This past two months have been hard. It's not always easy to accept the things that happen. But what i noticed is, that it actually wouldn't be that hard if we did not have a predefined mind or idea of what we, or others, think our lives should be like.
When i first talked with my doctor about IVF in february, he told me that it might not be easy to accept, that many women cannot deal with the fact that their child is going to be conceived outside of their bodies. At that time, my thought was: what? why should they have a hard time accepting that? why would it bother them? why should it bother them?
Well, now i'm wiser. It does bother you. And i do believe it's because of whatever input or information we get from our surroundings. Most of us women, grow up with this romantic idea about how getting pregnant should be. Especially in my case, i had this highly idealized vision of conception, of two people turning into one new being send from God. And the fact that it doesn't always work like that crushed me. I felt like i failed! as if the fact that i don't have falopian tubes anymore makes me less a woman.
And it's wrong! it's wrong to feel like a failure just because you're different! It's wrong to feel guilty of something you obviously didn't have any control of! It's wrong to keep this taboo around science! I say this because i've had people telling me i shouldn't tell others about us having a baby through IVF. Why? It's just another way to the same outcome. God will still bless us with a kid! It is still the same miracle of conception, it just needs a little extra help.
I had to mourn the loss of something i thought i had, the fact that i will never have children on my own (meaning without outside help, like IVF), in order to let it go. With this post i'm letting it go! I'm concentrating on enjoying the time with my husband, the walks with my dog, having time for myself...
Sometimes you just have to see the door that opened instead of keeping staring at the one that closed, because life is good! Life is really good!
Last, but not least, my advice for dealing with stuff you never thought you would be dealing with:
- Give yourself time to mourn! It's a natural process! There's nothing wrong in feeling down for a while (but get back up!)
- Keep the people you love and love you back very close! You are not alone!
- If you think you need to talk to an expert: get help! There is no shame in getting help.
- Don't set into roles or ideals just because you grew up with them: keep an open mind!
- And always, always remember the wise words of Phil Dunphy: