I procrastinated about 1 hour on the internet before deciding it was time to start writing this post. Like i already told you, it's not always easy to keep things real, mostly because life is not always happiness and rainbows and super cool days with super cool people.
After all the trips and all the visits, i had to slow down a little bit and realize that i had been stealing time wherever i could to not deal with stuff. Don't worry this is not a super depressive post, i'm already past that point, but it is a post about feelings and dealing with those feelings and accepting things, mourning the losses and letting go.
This past two months have been hard. It's not always easy to accept the things that happen. But what i noticed is, that it actually wouldn't be that hard if we did not have a predefined mind or idea of what we, or others, think our lives should be like.
When i first talked with my doctor about IVF in february, he told me that it might not be easy to accept, that many women cannot deal with the fact that their child is going to be conceived outside of their bodies. At that time, my thought was: what? why should they have a hard time accepting that? why would it bother them? why should it bother them?
Well, now i'm wiser. It does bother you. And i do believe it's because of whatever input or information we get from our surroundings. Most of us women, grow up with this romantic idea about how getting pregnant should be. Especially in my case, i had this highly idealized vision of conception, of two people turning into one new being send from God. And the fact that it doesn't always work like that crushed me. I felt like i failed! as if the fact that i don't have falopian tubes anymore makes me less a woman.
And it's wrong! it's wrong to feel like a failure just because you're different! It's wrong to feel guilty of something you obviously didn't have any control of! It's wrong to keep this taboo around science! I say this because i've had people telling me i shouldn't tell others about us having a baby through IVF. Why? It's just another way to the same outcome. God will still bless us with a kid! It is still the same miracle of conception, it just needs a little extra help.
I had to mourn the loss of something i thought i had, the fact that i will never have children on my own (meaning without outside help, like IVF), in order to let it go. With this post i'm letting it go! I'm concentrating on enjoying the time with my husband, the walks with my dog, having time for myself...
Sometimes you just have to see the door that opened instead of keeping staring at the one that closed, because life is good! Life is really good!
Last, but not least, my advice for dealing with stuff you never thought you would be dealing with:
- Give yourself time to mourn! It's a natural process! There's nothing wrong in feeling down for a while (but get back up!)
- Keep the people you love and love you back very close! You are not alone!
- If you think you need to talk to an expert: get help! There is no shame in getting help.
- Don't set into roles or ideals just because you grew up with them: keep an open mind!
- And always, always remember the wise words of Phil Dunphy:
Do we really need remakes of every single movie ever made? Why can't Hollywood let the past be? I understand that they want to reach the next generations or that they're just out of ideas, but why can't they do it properly then?
Didn't they learn anything from remaking Total Recall? They turned a cool Schwarzenegger movie into yet another crappy Colin Farrell one... Poor Paul Verhoeven! They just keep trashing his genious.
If you have not seen the original RoboCop, then what are you waiting for? It's bloody and violent and does not have a very annoying love-side plot. 80's at it's finest ;-)
The only good thing about this version is Samuel L. Jackson!
I just hope Hollywood doesn't decide that they NEED to remake Starship Troopers... that would just kill me.
What is it about familiy reunions that is highly stressful, but oh so fulfilling? Sometimes i get all anxious about having so many people around me, but it's kind of fun, you know, hearing all the gossip... ;-)
We spend the whole weekend at a kind of farmhouse turned hotel in the Bavarian Forest with about 30 more people to celebrate my father-in-law's 60th birthday! The babies were there too and other kids and almost the whole family and a lot of his friends.
The "hotel" was super nice! Our room even had a little fenced garden for Lola. They had pygmy goats and bunnies and horses and lots and lots of space for Lola to run wild. Sadly she decided that the bunnies were too much fun to bark at, so we had to get her on the leash again...
On saturday we all went to the National Park for a walk. Everybody who knows me will tell you how much i hate hiking, BUT since we got Lola i'm starting to enjoy going out for "walks", even in the forest. It was really nice, they have some animals there and we saw a bear and moose and boars and stuff ;-)
Afterwards we got back, some of us got a little bit more of the much needed beauty sleep and then it was party time! Oh God! We ate and ate and drunk and sung, played with the babies and watched more football. Mișu (my father-in-law) got some cool fun presents like lots of wine and a walking cane (you know, because he's "old"...).
Now i'm like 3 kilos heavier and we still got some leftover cake!
This was our last big event until my birthday and i'm actually happy to get back to "normality" for a while. I'm thinking of going back to scheduled posts, we're building our book shelf and i would love to share with you more about IVF... Look forward to it!
Have a nice thursday!
We're back and we had a great time. Lots of people, lots of food... you know, the usual. I'm hoping to have the pictures ready to post in the next days, but first: the small bathroom. This room has been "done" a long long time ago, but somehow i never found the right time to post about it, because, well more important things came out and you know me.
But ta da!
Let's see how this awesomeness came to be, shall we? I've been wanting to paint the bathroom dark blue since i saw Daniel's awesome bathroom, but the hubs was very skeptical about it and we compromised on a lighter tone. After one coat of paint this is what it looked like.
Awful! After about 2 more coats i was pleasantly surpised. The color is actually a little bit darker, but it's so difficult getting the tone right on pictures...
I did try leaving the IKEA shelves black and it did not look bad, but i think white works so much better. I used about two cans of white spray paint, but it was worth all the work.
I wanted eveything a little bit more organized. so i got those white/cream soft baskets for all our stuff. I also bought a simple wooden chest, painted it white-ish with acrylic paint and used a red-ish washi tape to create a fisrt aid kit. I bought those branches as a fall decoration last year and they are still usable, so i took some smaller parts and stuckk them in a small jar, filled with white stones, for decoration and a little bit of color besaides the blue.
So and here is the other side of the room. I left my "work of art" were it was but changed the frame to a white one.
Here are the branches i told you about. The whole thing reminds me of a coral reef. I think it's pretty ;-) But it is sooo difficult to find decent white bath stuff! I found the Q-Tip and soap dispenser on Amazon (here and here), but it took a lot of time and as you see, it was not that cheap. To be honest i'm still not pleased, because the Q.Tip dispenser is too small and the soap dispenser too big! But at least they are white and they work and different to everything else we saw.
And now to the things i still have to change: I searched for white hooks a long long time, but i couldn't find anything i liked. Once i found something but then i realized they didn't fit on my door and i had to send them back. Then i just spray painted our old ones blue, because... i have no idea, Raul thought it would work better with the white door to have blue hooks, but i'm not convinced... i think i will paint them white too.
We already found a nice white garbage bin, but as you can see the toilet brsh is still the old one. I have looked and looked for nice white toilet brushes and haven't found anything! I actually found the same one we have in white, but i'm not giving money for something i already own. I think i will be spray painting that one too. The shelf under the sink... that is my nightmare! I still don't know what to do! The problem is, contrary to the wall shelves, this one does not have glass bottoms, but black metal ones. I'm afraid that the white paint will eventually chip off because of the use. First world problems, right?
So, i hope you liked it and if you have suggestions for the problem zones, i would be very happy to hear them ;-)