First of all, thank you sooo much for all your kind words of encouragement and good wishes. I really appreciate it!
Now, where to start. I'm so frustrated and sad and angry and full of doubts right now.
First things first: On tuesday i had an appointment with my Ob-Gyn and he told me i should go right to the hospital and talk to them about being induced. He even talked to them on the phone and asked if it was a good moment for me to come by and they said yes. So, there we went and i got talked into waiting some more, mainly because it was kind of fast and i was scared. I got a tape under my belly to support it and was told, that if the pain lingered, i could come back again and then we could further discuss inducing labour. We went home, the tape obviously did nothing and i called on friday to ask for an appointment (notice i told them all about wanting to get induced!).
They gave me an appointment for today and we even brought Lola to her dog-sitter. Once there it all started going downhill. First of all, my appointment was not marked down as labour induction, but as a normal check-up. Second, they had already so many inductions today, that they could not do mine too. Third, even if they had the capacity they would not induce me, because there is no emergency to do so. Which by the way, is obviously understandable, but just picture me crying, because by that point i'm on the verge of a meltdown and this woman has the nerve to tell me that i should not take the place of someone who needs it more, "just because i'm tired"... Hello!!! It felt like a slap in the face! I know my case is not an emergency, but that does not mean that my pain does not exist, or that it is of no importance! She literally was telling me to suck it up and go home and be happy that i'm not an emergency case. Of course i'm thankful that my baby is fine, but really? you really want to talk like that to a crying pregnant woman, full of hormones, who is in a lot of pain and who clearly can't take it anymore? the Hubs got really really mad and they started arguing... we still had to go to the check up with the doctor and i just said let's go. The doctor was as unhelpful as the midwife. He told me that as he was just the resident, he did not have any authority to make the decision to induce labour and even if he could, he wouldn't do it, the same bla bla as before... If i wanted, i could stay there and they would give me stuff for the pain and i could talk on monday with the head physician, but that i would very probably get the same answer... He even had the nerve to tell me that i could come back any time, if i could't stand the pain. Hello! that's what i was there for and you sent me home again!
And here i am, once again at home and i have no idea what to do. I mean, i really understand that as long as the little one is fine, i should wait. The problem is I am not fine anymore! Everything hurts! and i know that it's normal, that almost every pregnant woman has some issues at the end, but i also know that sadly i'm one of the few percentage whose pain and discomfort is as high as can be. And not just at the end, but since the begining of pregnancy. If we take everything in, it has been even longer! The laparoscopy was almost a year ago...
I think i will try to make the rest of this weekend work and i'll call my Ob-Gyn on monday to discuss everything with him again and maybe i'll be switching hospitals (notice, my Ob-Gyn does not work on that hospital. His hospital, sadly, does not have a delivery ward). Not because i want to be induced at any cost (even if the pain is killing me), but because i really don't feel comfortable with the people and the service there anymore. Right now i'm actually dreading going into labour in the next hours, just because that would mean having to see their faces and talk to them again.
So... sorry for the whole "oh, poor me!" monologue, but i had to get it off my chest! I think the Hubs and i will be going out for a nice dinner tonight :-) We have to take advantage of the fact, that the little monster will be staying with her dog-sitter until tomorrow!
I wish you all again a nice weekend!!!